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In the Beginning
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Find help managing the first days and weeks after diagnosis
By Hester Hill Schnipper
CR | Page No. 16 | Summer 2009
This is as bad as it gets. There
are few promises associated with
cancer treatment, but this is one:
The first days and weeks after
hearing a cancer diagnosis are
always an emotional catastrophe.
You can think of little else but
cancer. Probably, you are not
sleeping well, and eating either
not enough or way too much.
You are in the front car of the
infamous emotional roller coaster,
holding on tightly, and at the
mercy of intense feelings and too
many medical appointments.
It will get better. Once you have
completed any staging tests,
finished needed surgeries, seen
your final pathology reports,
consulted with your doctors and
developed a treatment plan, life
will begin to settle down. Although
no one is happy about beginning
chemotherapy or radiation
therapy or learning that additional
surgery will be required, there is
a growing sense of control after
you know the facts. A routine
will develop, you will adapt to
whatever is necessary, and any
treatments will likely not be as bad
as you imagine.
What can you do in the
meantime? It helps to break down
time. Concentrate on getting
through half a day—or even half
an hour—at a time. Don’t worry
about your diet; if ice cream is
all that will slide past the lump
in your throat, forget about the
calories. Comfort food reigns
right now. You have to sleep.
Ask your doctor what you can
do or take to help achieve the
necessary rest. You will not get
addicted to sleeping meds by
taking them for a week or two.
Move your body. Whenever you
feel overwhelmed and upset,
get up and do something. It
matters less what you do than
that you do it. Take a walk, wash
dishes, telephone a friend. Find
distractions: Watch funny movies,
read trashy novels, clean your
closet. Right now, unscheduled
time is unhelpful.
Some people find it useful to
talk with everyone about their
diagnosis. They not only chat with
all their family and friends, but tell
the woman in the bank line that
they have a new cancer diagnosis.
Other people can’t say the words
aloud, and find it very hard to tell
anyone at all. Obviously, at some
point soon, you need to share the
information with the people who
are closest to you, but you can
decide whom else you tell. Trust
your own instincts on this, and
consider asking a close friend to
spread the news.
You are under no obligation to
share details with anyone other
than your immediate family. If
people ask intrusive questions,
feel free to say, “I really don’t want
to talk about it.” If they persist,
try saying, “Why are you asking
me this?” If people begin cancer
stories that clearly have a bad
ending, hold up your hand and
literally say, “Stop.” You have full
license to be as abrupt as you can
comfortably be. This is a time to
concentrate on taking care
of yourself.
Hester Hill Schnipper, a licensed
independent clinical social worker,
is a breast cancer survivor and the
chief of oncology social work at
Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center
in Boston. She also manages an
online breast cancer support group
on the hospital’s website.
